This is the time of year I want you to choke.

I'll go ahead and file this under Rants but I'll make it shorter and more concise for all of our sakes. Actually it's really for my sake; I don't care about making you read but I need to keep it short so as not to burst a blood vessel in my eye.

Christmas annoys the piss out of me. On paper, I love the concept: A joyous time of year where everyone gets along and shows good will to one another - who wouldn't love that? But in execution, things are a lot different. In execution there are hundreds staggeringly obnoxious Christmas songs playing on repeat in every public place and on most radio stations. There are about four times as many TV ads as you need there to be, reminding you that you have to buy shit for people.

All of that, I can handle. What makes me want to turn into Godzilla and breathe fire upon the earth are the stores. The goddamned stores. You can't walk into a Target anywhere between Thanksgiving and Christmas, especially those last two weeks, and still be able to breathe. You have to wade through an army of pushing, shoving, menstrual soccer moms who will knock over a woman with a broken back or run over a puppy (I've seen both of these things happen) so they can make their evil, thankless children even more spoiled than they already are. Two years ago, I saw some middle-aged couple literally run over some poor, stupid dog who ran into the street. The little guy just bolted into the street and got knocked around under their SUV and the assholes drove away pretending nothing happened. Ah, isn't that just the magic of Christmas?

Bah fuckin' humbug; pass the gifts.